If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize