It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I just went to clothing optional bar
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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