I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
