Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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