Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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