dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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