Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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