Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
