He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
