she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
