I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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