Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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