I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
