Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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