I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
