sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry about my life...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
