just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
