And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
