He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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