im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
