Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
