**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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