Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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