and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize