The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
