have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
