there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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