May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He passed out mid-signature
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
