oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
