Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
