Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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