All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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