its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize