He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
jump out the window naked night went bad
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