Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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