i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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