Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
