Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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