A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
