he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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