just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
