I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
