is wine microwaveable?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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