Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
