if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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