All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
