shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
