Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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