Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
