Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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