I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize