it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
