Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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