It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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