He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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