I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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