My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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