I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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