Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
