Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize