Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize