There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
