she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
