Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
