saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
