hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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