Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize