at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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