dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
