i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my sisters under your porch take her home
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
