I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
