I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
