I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
