It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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