i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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