if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
