I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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