I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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