rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
