I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
