I am in a vortex of obligation.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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