That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
