Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
