everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
