"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
