ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
