I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
