i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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