Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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