Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
