I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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