saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
