Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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