does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
