A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
