At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
