I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
