dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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