At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
