I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
