I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
