It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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