You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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