Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
