Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
