he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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