I didn't shave. On purpose
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
