i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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