So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
