FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't notice because vodka
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize