i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
