I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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