PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
