Screwed.edu
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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