We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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