I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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