You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
